W is almost 3

Next Thursday March 20th W turns 3. It happens to be the first day of spring as well. I can't believe it's been 3 years but then again I can b/c I feel like I remember most of it very clearly.

After I had W I got so depressed. Having a new baby in the house and all that comes with that completely overwhelmed me. Part of it was the lack of sleep and not being able to latch W on right away. I remember having cracked nips that were bleeding and I'd try to latch him on and I'd be kicking my feet on the floor and just bawling from the pain. I gave up the fight and pain after about 5 weeks and a night spent in the ER with double Mastitis.

When W was 7 weeks old I remember the hub and I ready to lose our minds. We kept having to remind eachother that sleep deprivation has been (and may still be) used as a form of torture. This would make us feel a little better that the emotions and exhaustion we felt were "normal" albeit painful. Fortunately too Will started sleeping through most of the night at 7 weeks, 5 or 6 hours and it increased from there thankfully.

When I was pregnant with W I only gained 7lbs. After I had W I gained 20-25lbs b/c of depression. I cried a lot throughout that year. I remember when we started trying for Super N that November (2005) and thinking is this the right time?? But nonetheless we tried, got pregnant and it was very hard still. Things did settle down but it took a little while.

I sought out counseling for myself in January (2006) and did that until April of that year. A lot of my struggles I remember was with my mom and dad who put a lot of pressure and provided no support at all to the Hub and I. I learned in counseling what it meant to put boundaries up with them and also I made a decision to end all contact with them for a period of time until I could get my head on straight and God could do a work in my heart. I have since initiated contact with them and our relationship is actually a lot healthier thinks to all that I learned and the healing I gained during that time of separation. (Perhaps another blog one day...)

Back to W, the hub has been working on numbers with him lately and tonight he counted to 10 all by himself. I bought some flashcards and he's currently learning his letters and can identify some of them without help. It's very bittersweet to see him change and grow. We hope to put him in preschool in the fall and I know he'll love it and thrive there. It kind of saddens me in that from there on out he'll be in school but again I know he'll love it and I want him to get some time consistently with other kids his age and with teachers that can invest in him. Now if we can get the potty training down he'll be set to go.