Friday, September 26, 2008

Apologizing for Our Kids Behavior

Why do we moms apologize for our kids behavior? I've been paying attention lately as to how often moms apologize for their kids choices. Let me tell you moms it's a lot of the time!

I am not void from this I do it too! Is it because we feel responsible? Why?? Should we be able to control every little thing they do? Doesn't that sound ludicrous?! Like we can control a two year old! Do we think that if we apologize for our kids behavior it will make the other person think we aren't a bad parent? I'm very curious about this whole thing. I just find it fascinating b/c honestly I don't know a mommy in my realm of moms who doesn't apologize for their childs unwise (unwise= subjective; it's dependent on the context) choices.

Is it ever necessary to apologize for our kids choices though? I know I have been in situations where my kid has spilled a drink on someone else's couch or floor and I felt the need to apologize because I should've suggested they move into a more drink friendly environment or assisted them or something. But other then when others property is dirtied or damaged, is it necessary to apologize for our kids choices?

What if we don't apologize for their behavior? Do we risk the possibility of others thinking we are a bad parent? Does it matter if others think we are a bad parent?

What are we teaching our kid(s) if we apologize for all their "unwise" choices? What would we teach our kid(s) if we don't apologize for their "unwise" choices?

I'm really interested in what others think on this topic.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Baby J 5.5 months

Baby J escaped out of his Boppy yesterday while playing. I ran into the kitchen to do something and when I came back I discovered him army crawling backwards on the rug. Apparently he wants to move! The other kids were not like this. Super N was pretty much a lump for 11 months and W just didn't seem interested until around 9 months or so. If I were to guess I think he probably is itching to play with his siblings.
Also, Baby J has decided to finally like his daddy again. He now smiles at daddy and he also will cuddle with daddy and allow him to hold him for an extended period of time. Mommy is thrilled about this turn of events! Oh yes the colic is all gone! And the last few days Baby J has barely spit up-which is wonderful! He's also still nursing and has started eating bananas within the last 3 days, he really loves them.

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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Chicken and Fries

I can't recall how many times my children ate McDonalds this summer. I'm pretty sure chicken and fries were consumed at least 2 times aweek the whole summer starting in May. A few weeks in there I'm sure we had it at least 4 times. Also, my babes are quite familiar with Donatos pizza, Papa Johns whole wheat pizza (at least it has fiber right?!) and Subway. Let me not forget the large amount of macaroni and cheese that was consumed, sometimes whole wheat and sometimes not. I've become the momma I didn't want to be.

I yell at my kids-loudly and obnoxiously sometimes (I like to call her Ghetto momma). The yelling seems to come when stress increases. I discipline my kids as well and sadly I've disciplined them in anger a lot more as of late. I've become the momma I didn't want to be.

I sing to and with my kids most days. I smile at them often and laugh with them. I enjoy hugging them and holding them daily. I pray for their character and their future a couple times a week. I also pray for the ability to love them unselfishly. I've become the momma I did want to be.

I just read something online that struck me. Mom-101 says, "The best advice I ever got about parenting was from my own mother. She told me that every decision you will make as a parent is right, and every decision you will make as a parent is wrong. Once you learn that, you're golden.And boy, she nailed it.There is no one right way to do anything. Hell, we could find out in fifty years that the levels of mercury and lead in our own bodies is so high that breastfeeding is actually far worse than formula. Science changes, parenting theories evolve, new experts spring up with ideas that we never considered before.

I realize that in general I'm very judgemental, I don't like this about myself. I realize too that the person I'm most judgemental about is myself. I have a feeling I'm not the only one that feels this way about themself. With all the parenting theories/suggestions/commands out there I'm often left feeling exhausted, anxious and overwhelmed about the "right way" to raise my babes. I read something or hear something and immediately evaluate my ability to mother well. I'm so done with feeling this way. Something I've realized in my journey as a mom with 3 babes 3 and under is that some things are really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Dirty faces, clothes,house, losing your shit sometimes in anger, yelling, tv watching, unhealthy food at times, mommas at home, mommas at work, etc, etc.

What I've also learned is that communicating love to my babes through hugs, snuggling, smiles, kind and patient words, singing to and with them, praying with them and for them and providing them with food, clothes and shelter and having a humble heart towards my kids as well as continually working on my marriage to keep in healthy are all incredibly valuable.

I've also taken a liking to the adage, "It takes a village to raise a child.". Love and correction from family & friends to our babes has been such a blessing for the Hub and I. During times of intense stress and difficulty over the last 3.5 years others loving our babes has been such a blessing. This is true as well when things are "normal" and others just spend time with the babes and engage them in play, conversation, singing, etc. They learn so much from others and they also learn to be self reliant (versus having momma and daddy around all the time).

It is truly challenging being a parent. At times I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to have met these babes and to have learned so much from them and to have the privilege to raise them. But other times I'm overwhelmed by the task and question what I got myself into. I guess it's probably a mixed bag of these emotions from here on out. I'm just really happy I'm not the only one out there raising kids and that there is a whole lot of others that are in the same spot as I.

The Eldest Little Monty

I love my oldest dearly. I can recall everything about his birth even though I've birthed 3 babes in about 3 years. I remember when I was in labor his heart rate kept dropping so they broke my water to put a monitor on his head. Upon breaking my water they discovered there wasn't much and the little bit that was there had meconium in it. There seemed to be a bit of worry and panic in the room at that point. The nurses called NICU and decided to fast forward my delivery to get him out. After he made his entrance, I wasn't able to hold him right away b/c the NICU nurses swooped him up and had to check him out thoroughly for fear that he had meconium in his lungs. This as you can imagine was all a bit frightening but he ended up being okay and I got to hold him about 2.5 hours later.

I remember being asked if I wanted him in the room that first night and all I could think was if he leaves my sight he would be stolen or swapped with someone else's babe! When they left him with me I recall standing over his little crib and just crying b/c I couldn't believe he came from my body and that such a miracle could occur. I also recall about 2 hours later being scared awake out of my exhaustion by a screaming infant! The Hub and I at that point desparately fought for the nurse call button to get him shuttled to the nursery.

I cried so much during the next few days, weeks, and months. I cried b/c I was so in awe of this little miracle. I cried b/c I was grieved that breast feeding was so painful and that I had to quit so soon b/c of infection. I cried b/c of lack of sleep and post partum depression. I cried b/c my nether region had changed and I couldn't believe that it would ever be functional again!

Things did get better when he started to sleep through the night and I got used to having a baby. I remember that first summer I would sit in a chair in the living room and watch Gilmore Girls and feed W. To this day he recognizes the show's theme song! I also would walk him around the block often-just he and I.

When W was 1 week shy of his 1st birthday he started crawling. We ended up in the ER that same week b/c he pulled a lamp down onto his head resulting in a large knot and a cut on his forehead. It was so swollen I couldn't tell if the cut needed stitches so I took him to the ER.

When he turned 1 he got really stubborn and he seemed frustrated a lot of the time. That year was a bit of a trial for me b/c I was pregnant with Super N, we had our bathroom remodeled and W seemed to throw a lot of tantrums. I could tell he was frustrated b/c of the inability to communicate, I felt sorry for him (and for myself at times!)

He started to walk at 18 months. I remember before Super N was born I would pray that W would be walking before I gave birth. But that wasn't the case. I can remember carrying both babes down the stairs in the morning, I did that for 3 months! That was a challenging period of time for many reasons.

When W turned 2 it was if he had a pocket full of words he was saving to use for when he turned 2. He had always communicated jibber jabber and said a few words (1st word was vacuum-no kidding!) but it just took off at that point. W's second year, if I had to sum it up, was all about him talking and trying to keep him from taking his sister out.

Fast forward to the here and now...Here is a pic of my three year old ready to burst into tears b/c Super N gets to hold Baby J.

The age of three is really enjoyable for us most of the time. There are some qualities that well...are a little more difficult to enjoy at times. But nonetheless W is 3 and we love him regardless! The little Turkey!

To list a few of his milestones/quirks:

  • Our 3 year old can talk in mostly complete sentences making it easier for him to communicate his needs and wants.

  • He's more patient.

  • His tantrums are less frequent and they're more controlled it seems.

  • When he gets an ouchy he can tell us what exactly hurts.

  • He seems more interested in others.

  • He tells his 2 year old sister, "It's okay."

  • He likes to have conversations.

  • He asks "why" all the time!

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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Spending Money To Make Money.

If I never see another paint can or cardboard box again it will be too soon!

Let's get this house on the market and sold already. I'm so on edge and convinced it's going to take years for my house to sell and my kids will be going to college when it finally does sell and then it will be pointless!

Alright, alright call me a pessimist.

The house we want is having an open house today. I've thought about using the kids binoculars and scoping it out from across the street just to see how many people I must compete with. The Hub suggested I go in and point out all the flaws REAL loud and obnoxiously....I'm considering this option.

But a good friend said to me Wednesday that God will meet my needs and WILL give me this house if it's meant for us. I'm trying to buy that line. God is good. But I've been so burned as of late with relationships that it's so painful for me to not put up a wall between me and God. Why is that? Does that even make sense? How can I accept the good things from God but when I suffer I put up a wall? In general though I've been pretty cynical about all things spiritual. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing b/c I need to figure out things for myself so I can live honestly but with having babes over the last 3 years and going through so many life, physical and emotional changes-let's just say I don't feel like myself anymore.

Wow I really digress. My post title, Spending Money to Make Money, is expressing currently what is happening in our "journey" to put our house on the market. We have spent roughly 10k getting this house up to par. It's very stressful. But I will tell you it's hard to believe our house won't sell, but I bet everyone in this position thinks this.

Wouldn't be cool if in a month from today I wrote a blog post expressing my excitement over selling my house?

The exterior painter comes Wednesday to power wash the house. He will then begin the process of scraping old paint, filling cracks and holes, replacing trim pieces and then painting our house. We will then place our house on the market. So as of today we have about 1o days to finish everything inside the house so we can put our house on the market.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Thanks Erin!

My friend Erin sent me this "FW:" email. And although she nor I entertain emails like this usually-this one is an exception. And it put a smile on my face b/c it was encouraging to me.

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.' So - if you give her crap, you will receive more shit than any one human being can handle Love and appreciate all the women in your life.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

S. Palin

This is not about who I'm going to vote for or to push my agenda or whatever. It's merely a way for me to vent my frustration. So my intention is to not necessarily get into a debate but others are totally welcomed to comment and let me know if you have any opinions on the matter.

So John Mccain picked a lady to run with him...pretty cool I think. I heard snippets of her speech last night and have heard people on the news refer to it as legendary, unforgettable, etc.

I think it's pretty cool that she was picked not b/c I'm a Republican and plan to vote for MCcain & Palin, which I'm not anymore and I won't be voting for him (oooh should I have shared that?!), but b/c she's the first woman picked to be in such a high position. How awesome is that?!

The whole reason I'm even writing this post is b/c on the way home from taking W to school this morning I heard on NPR that leading feminists are not supporting Palin (in any way, shape or form) b/c she's Pro Life and against Gay Rights. Now that just infuriates me! Honestly I don't care what she supports or doesn't support at this point in the race. I'm instead infuriated at the fact that they are not supporting the first woman to be picked to run as Vice President!!! Come On!!! This is so huge for women in general!

I thought Feminism was about women having freedom of choice and women having equality??

Now that's a damn shame! ...excuse my language...

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

6 Days Shy of 5 Months

What a squirrelly little monkey!
He's not against others holding him anymore. His sweet smile and laugh remind me to be grateful for my babes. I lub um...they drive me crazy but I lub em.

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W's First Day of Preschool

W's first day of preschool was yesterday. He was so excited! When I took him to the classroom I stuck around for about a half an hour b/c he was very apprehensive and scared. But his teacher Mrs. F swooped in and let him sit with her, that was all it took and he was fine with out mom for a few hours.
I didn't cry. I was a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing mostly b/c there is no ramp into the school and so I couldn't take the stroller in. We were running late and so I quickly grabbed Baby J and herded the other two into the school. I of course didn't anticipate holding Baby J for over a half an hour or debating with Super N about why she couldn't stay, her time will be next year.
When I picked W up he was so excited! He was quick to tell me that he went down the red slide and that he got a sticker and then showed me by shoving it under my nose. He was so cute!
I did waant to find out how Potty Time went so I asked Mrs. D his other teacher. She sais she really didn't know b/c she doesn't go into the bathroom with the boys. I assumed he would be too scared to go and I was affirmed soon after as we got out of the van at home, he peed on one of the seats in the van. Another reason why I searched my butt off to get a used van w/ leather upholstery! He returns tomorrow and must brave preschool w/ 19 other kids. Fun. fun!
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