Saturday, February 02, 2008

Low Grade Anxiety

I think i'm experiencing low grade anxiety. Two weeks ago i woke up twice at 4am and once at 3am. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if i would've fallen back to sleep but i didn't. Which means I was up from 3-4am until around 10pm. Watching the kids on a few hours of sleep is very painful. I had the same problem this week except it was two days where i woke up super early. I did however manage to get two full nights of sleep but as you may know you can't make up sleep deprivation. I did however feel better but i was still whipped.

I think my anxiety is coming from all the things i have in my head that i feel need done before the baby comes. I look around my house and although i'm incredibly grateful for it and the stuff in it i feel that it's dirty and needs scrubbed clean and i want some of the rooms painted. The reality of painting just seems exhausting though so I'm not sure what to do. Can i just live with it?? I don't know yet.

When i was pregnant with Nora I spent that last month of pregnancy painting my fireplace and wall above it and the stairwell. Oh yes not to forget the many trips up and down the stairs filling in cracks and gaps with caulk and then priming and painting. I was determined to not see cracks when i walked up the steps. But now 19 months later the stairwell looks as if it needs another coat of paint! It's neverending I'm guessing.

Today we do plan to go to Lowe's and purchase a few things to do projects around the house. I received a cool door knocker for my birthday from my in laws back in December. Jason plans to install once we find the appropriate hardware to attach it to the door. I also hope to purchase some paint for one of Will's bedroom walls, i'm thinking turquoise! And i hope to purchase a gallon of high gloss white paint for his trim. His room definitely needs done soon b/c we are moving Nora in there until baby Joseph (due in April) is sleeping through the night.

Today I sold my beautiful bamboo armoire. I watched it being carried out the door and out of my life forever. I know it's just stuff but honestly i am a materialist and i planned to keep the stuff i love until i died or until it died. But my life is about practicality and simplicity now. With almost 3 little people running around and growing bigger we need space and less stuff. And the lady who bought it on Craigslist fell in love with it and is thoroughly tickled by it so I think she'll take care of it. Atlease it won't end up at Xenos where I have to see it every time i go to church. (A story I can tell you another day...)

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