I lied. The post on my marriage was and is how I truly feel. After thinking about it for a week and talking through it with my husband, I realize I'm not ambarrased by my honest thoughts. I'm not humiliated, I actually feel freer. I'm sick of hiding and lying and pretending that my choices didn't affect me or still aren't affecting me. Fortunately I talked to my husband before I even realized I had posted the journal entry online. And I also alerted him to the fact that I exposed all that was in my head and allowed him to read it.
The last week has been interesting. But like a lot of other couples we are going to attempt to move forward, taking it day by day.
I am truly a different person. When you expose the real thoughts in your heart so openly that have controlled you for so long, to the world (or at least 65 subscribers), you are forced to really think through what you feel and believe. And you are also, I am also, quick to realize I really don't care if you judge me or ridicule me or don't want to be my friend anymore- it is what it is.
That's how I feel now. The raw journal on my blog...it is what it is.