Thursday, April 03, 2008

The Woman Who Cried Baby

That's how I feel. I've been to L&D 3x over the last 4 weeks and I almost went this week after having contractions all night and being pretty sure I was in labor but nope. I asked my OB last night at my 38th week appt "what's up with my body!" and she said that 3rd pregnancies are like this. You think you are in labor b/c well it looks and feels like labor but it's not AND you don't really change much in terms of dilation and effacement.

In my frustration I asked if was one who believed in stripping membranes and she told me yes but that it was uncomfortable. I said okay, I need to think about that a little more not sure how I feel about it. But she did ask if I wanted to be induced and I was like "yep!". She said how about next wednesday? And I said, "okay!".

As I was leaving I had this uneasy feeling nagging me but I couldn't seem to tell what it was or why. I figured I haven't slept for two days I'm emotional. But I called the Hub excitedly and told him, his first reaction wasn't excitement for various work reasons, which I realized really affected me and made me feel even more weird and confused as to how I felt.

But last night over dinner, and a very talkative 3 year old, we managed to talk about it. And what I came to about how I felt is I don't know if I want to be induced. The convenience factor of it is awesome. No more thinking I'm in labor and rushing everyone around to get things together, trying to get a hold of the Hub's parents and then getting the kids to their house, etc.
But I think I'd just like my water to break or for contractions to start, ones that actually change my cervix.

Overall I think I've communicated that I want this pregnancy done and over with and that I'm ready to get the kid out no matter what. But I'm not sure that's how I feel or my wish when it comes right down to it. I don't really know how I feel or what I want. I guess I can go ahead and schedule the induction for next weds and then when Tuesday comes we can evaluate whether or not I want to push it off a few days to see if I go into labor on my own. Honestly this isn't that big of a deal but since it's my last pregnancy I just want to be sure I'm doing what I prefer and desire versus jumping into a decision b/c I want some sort of suffering alleviated. I just need some more time to think and evaluate my thoughts, I'll take the next week to do that. And in that time maybe my water will break :)!

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