Saturday, June 20, 2009

This Whole Marriage Thang...


So I feel like my husband and I forgot what it is like to be friends. Of course he's the person I'm closest too but that doesn't necessarily say much since we don't talk that much, cause we're super busy with needy little kidlets of course. Oh and we're tired...so tired. We've been discussing this idea of friendship and how important it is in a marriage, whether it truly is important and if it is how do we work on it and grow it. It's been interesting and cool to talk about this with him. I feel like our marriage doesn't always have a measure of respect for the other person. We glide in and out of eachothers life on a daily basis, trying to acccomplish all that we need to and desire to. Nothing ever really feels finished or neat or clean or taken care of.

Sometimes, or really most days, I still function on a minimal level. Meaning that sometimes my only priority for the day is to keep the kids alive. J and I are truly spent and we know this.

One cool but not really cool because it feels not so cool but rather yucky really, is that I feel like I'm learning to not take things so personal and that even when you feel horrible and are emotionally spent, you can keep moving forward. I have learned this lesson many times before but it seems like it's a different layer of that same lesson. Like a deeper understanding learned through a more difficult time in my life.

Does any of this make any sense at all? Ahh sometimes I just want to cut the melancholy part of my brain out because I'm honestly embarrased to share what's in it at times. But this is me and I don't always make sense or write well or punctuate well but I'm trying desperately to be honest with myself and get it out so I can breathe and move on. For real does any of this make sense? If not...I'm okay with that, for now.

8 comments:

kate said...

I hear ya on being tired. Amen sistah~

Shady Lady said...

It all makes complete and total sense. Finding time in a crazy life is absolutely a challenge. It is also totally doable. As long as two people are willing to work at it, anything can be accomplished.

Cara said...

So well put & I can completely relate. As you saw over at my blog, finding time with each other can be hard to do at my house. I do feel like we've lost a lot of our "friendship" & that 99.9% of our conversations revolve around the kids. It's something we need to work on & one of my personal goals. Good luck with this.

Christy said...

I totally get it. Totally.

You know what I suggest - get a babysitter and institute date nights. Even if you can only afford taco bell (that's what we did two weeks ago) - and make it a standing commitment. If you can't get a babysitter than swap with one of your friends. She comes to your house to watch your kids, then you go to hers. I would do it after the kids are asleep maybe even. And make it a commitment - just like working out or something. Do something fun - starbucks, bookstore, movie, dinner, park, etc. We go on wednesday night because our weekends are so hectic. But it has made A WORLD of difference. I wrote about this same thing on my blog too!

And yes, I totally get being tired - ha - funny I wrote about that today too.

AND finally, thanks so much - I'm looking up that slow fat triathlete book right now!

Jenni said...

oh, yes. i just told nelson last night i feel like i spend all my energy on being a good mom and not enough on being a good wife.

The Three 22nds said...

My hubby has the slow fat triathlete book too!

It is hard for me to stop and just hang out with my husband. But he is really good at insisting on "hang out" time, so that helps. But I think as you grow and your family grows the relationship changes too...

Adjusting your expectations and working on making the mundane fun!

Getting chipotle, folding some laundry and talking.

Tiling a floor together :)

We do date nights too. Sometimes it is just running errands together without kids.

But we do a lot of hanging out after the kids are down for early bedtimes.

I am totally rambling...
have a great day

Mama Goose said...

Um, total and complete sense. I have a hard time fighting my insecurities too. And I think you're absolutely right about letting it go. We become business partners in this child rearing thing, but life is too short to let the love slide. Tired, yes, but we must embrace the love.

jenny mae. said...

you should let us babysit and you guys can go on a date!