Monday, January 28, 2008


Sometimes i'm so confused about all that needs done in life. I think about how much my kids need from me, just on a practical level...hell! What my marriage requires to be just one notch above hum drum and mediocre and how much i'm required to walk on eggshells around people i love.

Hubby and I are in counseling thank God! It seems we do need help navigating through this time in our life b/c we both feel lost at to how to finding time to communicate, how to communicate and what the hell does it look like to "do" this family thing together?? Counseling has been very good albeit painful but nonetheless good.

My kids...i love them dearly. They're so goofy and infuriating and clever etc, etc. I'm grateful for them but sometimes you wouldn't know that. I see how my selfishness affects them and it grieves me. But literally they wake up the next day or from the next nap and it's as if nothing happened. Their little hearts are so big and forgiving.

Being almost 29 weeks pregnant now, i'm not sleeping all that well. I think it's anxiety related but i'm not sure. I tend to be an anxious person in my core and so it wouldn't surprise me if i'm not sleeping b/c of that. There's been a lot of change recently in my life and I'm not fond of that. I do in general enjoy the idea of change but the reality of adjusting to thanks! But that's where my life is at and that is what is being required of me so...

My friend Kristin had her baby. I'm so excited for her and her family. I need to remember to pray for her at this time b/c it's going to be an adjustment for them. I remember that i cried a lot during the last few months of my pregnancy with Nora and after i had her. My tears were mostly b/c i felt guilty for not being able to give Will what i wanted to give him. It took a while for me to adjust and realize, he's okay, i'm okay, we'll be okay. Fortunately, with preparing to have Joseph i'm more at rest with this stuff and I don't think it's going to be as overwhelming. I've had to research ways to keep the other babes busy so i can nurse Joseph and that in itself has relieved a lot of anxiety off my heart. I fortunately too have a close network of friends these days who are nursing or recently stopped that can give me tips and encouragement to battle through the adjustment stage of returning to breastfeeding.

Congratulations Kristin you hang in there Girl!!

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