Metaphors by Sylvia Plath

I'm a riddle in nine syllables,

An elephant, a ponderous house,

A melon strolling on two tendrils.

O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!

This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.

Money's new-minted in this fat purse.

I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.

I've eaten a bag of green apples,

Boarded the train there's no getting off.

Postpartum Depression

I realized this week that I have Postpartum Depression. Some of the things I've been experiencing are

• Intense anxiety- This seems to come in the form of nightmares and panic attacks. I get so overwhelmed and anxious b/c of the constant screaming and demands on me day to day that I feel like my heart is going to burst b/c it's beating so fast. What accompanies this reaction is an immediate and intense sense of dread or hopelessness.
• Insomnia- Being alert from 9pm until midnight and then waking back up again at/around 4am. This of course leaves me exhausted in the mornings and afternoons.
• Weight gain- I feel so overwhelmed by my emotions and/or circumstances that I'm eating a lot of junky food. It seems at times that tasting the food is the only thing that is enjoyable in life.
• Inability to function- I can function where absolutely necessary- my kids, bills, shopping...but clothes washing, dinner, cleaning house are all done if there is no clean underwear or things are starting to smell (and then sometimes I don't really care-the Hub takes care of it).
• Not enjoying my kids and loving them through play- This is the most painful to admit but it's as if I've had a wall that is preventing me from giving to them in this way.
• Intense anger and sadness
• Morbid thoughts- like giving Baby J up for adoption as one example.
• Withdrawal from relationships

Now that I've realized that I'm struggling with PPD I called my OB and she has prescribed a depression med. As I begin to take it and hopefully experience some change I'll try to update my experience. I'm also going to go talk to a counselor friend next week or the following week.

Also, weds night a friend initiated a chat over tea and she just totally enveloped me with support and love. She asked me questions to try to figure out where I was at and how she could support me. She then came over again last night and we talked some more. I noticed yesterday and even now my interactions with my babes have changed. I'm more relaxed and loving and my anger has dissipated tremendously. Friendship, a supporting heart and ear are a tremendous resource to the depressed person, I see now. I'm grateful.