Today

I lied. The post on my marriage was and is how I truly feel. After thinking about it for a week and talking through it with my husband, I realize I'm not ambarrased by my honest thoughts. I'm not humiliated, I actually feel freer. I'm sick of hiding and lying and pretending that my choices didn't affect me or still aren't affecting me. Fortunately I talked to my husband before I even realized I had posted the journal entry online. And I also alerted him to the fact that I exposed all that was in my head and allowed him to read it.

The last week has been interesting. But like a lot of other couples we are going to attempt to move forward, taking it day by day.

I am truly a different person. When you expose the real thoughts in your heart so openly that have controlled you for so long, to the world (or at least 65 subscribers), you are forced to really think through what you feel and believe. And you are also, I am also, quick to realize I really don't care if you judge me or ridicule me or don't want to be my friend anymore- it is what it is.

That's how I feel now. The raw journal on my blog...it is what it is.

Tofu Tuesday

I totally am taking this recipe and running with it tonight for dinner. Thanks for the inspiration! This sounds awesome and I'm all about broccoli and cheese.

You'll find it here at Healthy Tipping Point.

Nice Rack! er I Mean Kid!

haha

My little man.

Cankles Revisit

My ankles are pretty much back to normal. My diet the last few days has been a large amount of steamed veggies and fresh fruits and as much non processed food as I could eat. The Shred will be resumed tonight.

Cankles

Excuse me while I gross you out...but folks I have some self induced cankles. Not usually do I possess these large and lovely ladies but this week they're all mine. This is what happens to me when I consume gluten and then throw 2 days of beef jerky and then 2 days of hotdogs for dinner (and that leftover one for breakfast) into my belly ("GET IN MY BELLY!!") This is utterly pathetic. And yes even organic, nitrite free, healthier hotdogs will do this to you (Are hotdogs really healthy? I'm thinking twice about that statement.)

Meet Matilda and Mavis, my little, (er pleasantly plump) little friends. These gals have put my 30 Day Shred routine on the back burner for a couple of days..they're painful. I flippin hate getting old and what the freak is up with freakish ankles??

Are you seriously grossed out yet? Cause I sure am! What kind of sick joke is this? I guess it could be worse, but damn.

Shredhead Update

I'm 8 days in the 30 Day Shred, just finished day 8's workout. I actually though started 9 days ago but I skipped last friday b/c we spent 5 hours in the heat and humidity while at the Ohio State Fair. Baby J was on my back a couple of those hours so I considered that a workout for the day. I'll probably though go 1 day longer to compensate for that missed day. I feel stronger and I can feel my abs. Overall I'm liking this video. It's 20 minute length is badass and just what I need right now.

Tofu Tuesday

Black Beans and Rice for Dinner tonight. Would you like to participate? If so, head on over to Gohn Crazy and join us.

Blk Bns & Rice

Ingredients
1 pkg. dry Black Beans
1 Jar of salsa
2 tbsp lime juice
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tsp ground cumin
1 bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
10 grape tomatoes, chopped, plus extra
Chopped green onions
Shredded Cheddar Cheese
Hot sauce


Cooked riceDirections
Sort beans.
Soak beans overnight in water at least 2-inches above beans.
Drain into a colander and rinse.
In a slow cooker combine beans, 6 cups fresh water, and all ingredients except the extra tomatoes, green onions, cheese, hot sauce and rice.
Cook on high heat setting for 6-8 hours or until beans are tender, adding more water, if necessary.
On a plate, add rice, spoon the bean mixture on top.
Sprinkle with extra tomatoes, cheese, green onions and hot sauce. Have vegetarian sausage or chorizo on the side with a slice cornbread, if desired.

Super N

Super N, you are my empathetic sweety. You are a comforter to your depths and I love that about you. You are courageous and a lover of people. I wish you well sweets. Happy 3rd Birthday. Super N's new backpack.

We Went To The Fair Today

Gosh I've only been to the fair twice in the last 12 years or so. It was a lot of fun taking the kids. We rode the ginormous slide, I almost barfed after ingesting a lemon shake up and I got to go to the potty with a 25lb, 16 month old strapped to my back-never did that before!

But seriously the kids had so much fun. They've never ridden amusement park rides before and so this was especially special. You'd think I would have brought a camera with us but no. It was interesting trying to find gluten free foods at the fair. Ahh sure I could have roasted corn on the cob but I was really craving protein and instead indulged in the Potroast Sundae, minus the gravy. Oh yeah a pot roast sundae. What the hell is that you wonder? Well it's shredded potroast, tender and actually very tastey, then mashed potatoes ontop and then gravy with a cherry tomato ontop of that, all served in a bowl to boot. It was fancy and yummy. However it did not do my stomach well, hence going to the potty with a 25lb baby strapped to my back-tmi...I know already. It was quite humorous in the potty. Baby J got a hold of the toilet paper at one point and just kept pulling and pulling, until there was a big pile. I pretty much let him have free reign of the toilet paper cause aye he was stuck to my back while I was on the pot.

Some in our group, not me, tried fried mac and cheese, fried ravioi, fried meatballs, fried potatoes, fried crab rangoon. Deep fried heaven right? I did see deep fried candy bars, deep fried smores & deep fried buckeyes. Sorry Rachel I didn't see the deep fried pickles but I'm sure they were there somewhere. I had a lemon shakeup and it was all she wrote between that and the Potroast Sundae, I stuck to unsweetened tea the last 4 hours of time we were there.

We had a blast and I'm excited to go again next year, I'm beat now. But I must shred. Have a great weekend.

**we took the above pics in a photo booth at the fair.

I'm a Shredhead

Guys...I'm gettin my butt kicked by Jillian. I've been doing the 30 Day Shred for the last 3 days and holy crap! I'm sore...like super sore. I joined up with other Shredheads over here and I have an accountability partner and everything, Sandie over at UrbanMama. We're going at this together but separately, she lives in D.C. We're going to do it "yeah!"(Insert loud husky male voice yelling "YEAH!!") The cool thing about his whole deal is that the workout is 20 minutes a day, that's it. I'd love to get back in shape and start training again for one of these...first things first though.

A Day Away From Joining The Army

In 1997 I was coming out of a relationship that was pretty negative. I was 19 and super lonely and confused, about life, about myself, about what to do next. I brainstormed. I knew I could continue college but I didn't know what I wanted to do and thus did not want to go to school to pursue a degree just because. Plus I was battling through emotional issues that come when you grow up in a codependent household. I honestly wasn't sure I had it in me to even finish anything in my life at that point. I came to the conclusion that I wanted to join the United States Army. I didn't come to this conclusion overnight necessarily I kind of always had it in the back of my head as an alternative to a traditional job/career.

I talked to my dad about it, he was ecstatic. He was in the Army and in the Navy and would've still been if complications wouldn't have risen. He's all about the Armed Forces and proudly wears tattoos of his designations or titles on his arms via tattoos. He served in the Vietnam War. He was apart of the Special Forces and parachuted in. My mom and him lived in Germany for a while and had my sister while there. He was also stationed in the Philipines and in Okinawa, Japan. I recall stories about his experiences in these places while growing up.

My parents left Germany at some point and then my dad was stationed at Fort Rucker, Alabama. My parents were to catch a plane back to Columbus, Ohio while my mom was pregnant with me. The blizzard of 1977-1978 prevented them from flying into Columbus and then my mom went into labor and had me in a hospital on a Peanut Farm.

My dad joined the Navy after he resigned (was forced to resign) from the Army. We moved to Pensacola, Florida and lived there while my dad was a Welder with the Sea Bees.

Some of my uncles were in the military too.

Both of my dads brothers were in the Army for a while. And two of my mom's brothers were in the Army. My moms brothers, Uncle Munk and Uncle Bill just recently in the last 10 years retired from the Army. I believe they served 20 years each.

So I'm somewhat familiar and have been my whole life with the miliary. At the time when I was contemplating joining the military I figured it would be a way that I could travel, see the world. I thought it could get me away from my family, I don't hate them, but I needed space desperately. I had a few fears though. One being that I was afraid I would be able to handle someone telling me what to do. I was also fearful of the unknown and also of having my ass kicked repeatedly over and over. But regardless of my fears I went to a military recruiting center and signed up.

Over a course of a couple of weeks I took a bunch of tests and had a lot of physical exams to check hearing, vision, etc.

I eventually ran into a snag that almost prevented me from joining. When I was 15 I was admitted into a hospital for teens who had eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or tendencies, and/or drug issues. I had all the above. I was counseled while in there by a licensed Psychiatrist. At one point, I was in the process of being discharged and I knew I couldn't leave. I felt so safe while there and I could feel myself breaking from the destructive patterns and meanness of my family home. So I climbed on the bathroom sink in my private room, ripped down the flourescent lightbulb and used an inkpen to jab through the protective plastic surrounding it. I slammed the bulb against the floor and then took a piece of the glass and sliced my arm with it. I was kept for another 3 weeks.

Back to joining the Army...so going through the process of joining the Army my medical records had to be scoured and checked out. They came across my history of being admitted into the hospital and that I had cut myself. Unfortunately instead of the Psychiatrist writing that I had cut my arm he wrote that I had slit my wrists. Now I know both of those are horrible. I hope my kids don't go through this and I grieve for my young 15 year old self, but I believe that those two scenarios on paper communicate something a bit different. This set my date of joining the military back a few weeks. I sought out the Psychiatrist who had written these words on my medical charts. I also sought out how to appeal to have my records corrected with the accurate information. But all of this was really a waste of time, they didn't seem to care. And they told me it would "drop off" or become negligent in a year (some sort of dropoff period on medical records, seems your deemed "sane" after 5 years.)

At any rate, during this time period I was living with 6 girls and I had just met the Huz. The women I lived with really didn't want me to go to the Army and thus ended up talking me out of it. When all the paperwork got situated, I was 1 day away from officially signing and thus being sent to boot camp in North Carolina or in Colorado...crazy! My how things change. I still have thoughts currently of "what if".

I got engaged and married within the next year.

Wardrobe Wednesday

If you'd like to participate click on the Wardrobe Wednesday pic on the right.

Tofu Tuesday

Trying to eat and serve more vegetarian meals in this household. Check out Kelli over at Gohn Crazy if you'd like to participate.

Here's what we're having for dinner.

Roasted Corn and Black Bean Chli

Ingredients
1 (10 ounce) package frozen corn
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced,to taste
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon chili powder (add more if you want spicy)
1 (14 1/2 ounce) can low sodium chicken broth
2 (15 ounce) cans black beans, drained and rinsed
2 (14 1/2 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with green chilies
sour cream
shredded cheddar cheese

Directions

Preheat oven to 400°F. Place corn in a large baking pan; add 1 Tbs olive oil and stir the corn to coat. Bake until the corn is browned, stirring once, about 20 mins total. Note: Corn sometimes does not brown, but bake until it smells roasted. While corn is roasting, cook onion in remaining 1 Tbs olive oil in a large sauce pan over medium heat until soft, about 5 minutes. Add garlic, cumin, and chili powder and cook, stirring constantly, about 1 minute. Stir in broth, beans, and tomatoes; reduce heat to simmer. Cover and cook 15 mins then stir in corn and simmer for additional 5 minutes.
Serve chili with sour cream and shredded cheese. I’m going to serve this with GF cornbread too.

TV Withdrawal

I decided to limit tv watching in our household..again. With all the stress of the last year we've let the tv watching pretty much get out of hand for our own taste. So with that has come the withdrawal symptoms. This has pretty much been the conversation 3 to 4 to 5 or more times a day, every day.

W: Can we watch Bolt?

Momma: No, we're going to play with toys.

Super N: Can we watch Bolt?

Momma: No, we're going to play.

W: I wanna watch Bolt!!

Momma: NO! And do not talk to me like that.

W: But I wanna watch Bolt!!

Momma: I said No and I won't talk about it anymore, no Bolt!

W: Can I watch TV?

Super N: TV?!!

Momma: NO! (Internal Dialogue...I'm gonna take you out if you ask me again...)

Baby J: gerighsighghgs (As he's eating his cereal...)

Now they're all sitting happily in front of me on the floor playing with the blocks and Mega Legos I sat out. Now maybe I can at least finish my cup of coffee and check online for a little bit before I sit down with them.

My 4 year old

Momma: Don't hit your sister again or I'll make you take off your dinosaur costume Sweety.

W: I not a sweety. Al Gore's a sweety!

Momma: What?

W: Gore's are sweety!

Momma: Ahh you don't like being called sweety?

W: No All girls are called sweety.

Momma: It all makes sense now.